Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Wrong Turn on a Holiday Walk



Shared on Poets United following the prompt.

--

Wrong Turn on a Holiday Walk

Parakeets roam the beach
Investigate the sandcastle we could never make.
A breeze, in the warmth leads us to the ocean's edge.
Here, some postcards, an ice cream box.

We turn left.

Here a hotel, and a pool with nobody in it.
Early morning for the holidaying women and men,
The sun not fully burning the skin.

The woman in front is very red
With thin white stripes on her shoulders
Tourist's tattoo.
We glance at each other,
our olive skin, second home.

Time has passed and there are trees
A forest, we joke, with wolves.
It wasn't here before and now we figure
We went the wrong way.

Walking forever that day, uphill, mostly
Passing rows and rows of coloured houses
and cats, who make the island theirs.

Perdon, I think, practising
asking for directions.
We will not be lost visitors.

I take matters in my hands.
I will lead us back, I say,
as we descend, now,
the half circle of never ending hill.

This street, we know it, it's at the top of
the road from the beach.
A half moon crescent walked
In a language not our own.

Parakeets roam the beach
Call from the trees.

I led us back.

--

Disclaimer: These are poems I won't be spending a lot of time on. As such, I don't expect perfection (neither do I need it). However feel free to tell me what you think about them, and if you enjoy certain lines more than others - I'm quite OK with constructive criticism!

Are you participating in NaPo? Do you write poetry? Feel free to comment below and leave a link to your day one poems, and any general comments you wish to leave.

21 comments:

  1. Those parakeets guide the story wonderfully..there is a great long summer feel to this piece

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It was a lovely holiday and I'd love to go back! (minus getting lost, perhaps ;) )

      Delete
  2. Those parakeets guide the story perfectly..there is a great long summer feel to this piece

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much. It felt very much like summer, though it was April. :)

      Delete
  3. nice take on the prompt!
    sounds like a wonderful holiday. loved the imagery you showed us on the walk. and i liked how you described "tourist's tattoo". :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, it was a lovely time and I'd quite like to go back! But one must also visit new places.. ;)

      Delete
  4. it can be pretty scary to get lost...esp in places you do not know because you dont know what is around the next corner...though, it can be a fun adventure as well...all comes down to how comfortable you are with it...smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was pretty fun, we knew we'd find our way at some point and it gave us exercise! ;) Thanks for commenting!

      Delete
  5. I love this poem about taking the "wrong" path, which sounds like a very lovely diversion indeed. A beach with parakeets must be wonderful!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Yes, the beach was lovely and so were the birds - makes early mornings far more enjoyable!

      Delete
  6. As an old orienteering fanatic, I would advise to match the landscape to the map and not the map to the landscape :-)
    So easily done. Pity you don't speak parakeet :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, no maps for us, then! No fancy phones either.. ;) It was a good kind of lost, though. Thanks!

      Delete
  7. I love this way of travelling, having time to get lost and follow birds rather than guidebooks. I've only been in a few cities where I was advised against it. The pacing and tone of the poem match the subject beautifully

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much - it was indeed a very nice experience. :)

      Delete
  8. Oh, how scary that would be... at least you weren't alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks.. Not so scary when it's nice and warm and a holiday.. heh.. We figured we'd end up finding our way eventually!

      Delete
  9. Oh I love the colors and direction this poem goes. I often write my poems like I am writing this comment. I sometimes go back (years later) and re-work a poem but I feel poetry is felt not formed.
    Happy Napowrimo month

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much! I admit I dislike re-working poems. All too often I just abandon them if I feel they are bad, as re-working seems to take something away from a poem.. feelings, perhaps. I occasionally try to re-work poems I feel have potential. I agree re the felt not formed! :)

      Delete
  10. Beautifully written. You woke a memory of mine only I found our way by going downhill. Sometimes the wandering is the most fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also sounds exciting! Wandering is very fun :D

      Delete
  11. You have really created a wonderful visual scene here. Nice to read your poem over at Midweek Motif!

    ReplyDelete

Hi there! Thanks for reading, I'd love to know a little about your thoughts. Or you could just say hi! :)